Soledad
by Dazzling
Summary: Sequel to 'Always Loved You' - can stand alone but would be better if the first one was read. Harm realizes there is a way he can be with Mac. WARNING: Deals with suicide.


Author: Dazzling  
Email: glitter_and_glam@hotmail.com  
Disclaimers: Nope, don't own them. Although Harm spends Saturdays locked in my closet, lol - jk. =) "Soledad' belongs to Westlife.  
Notes: Sequel to 'Always Loved You'. It can sorta stand on it's own, I guess, but it's better if you read the first one. WARNING: Deals with suicide.  
Distribution: If my names on it and you ask me first, go for it.  
Reviews and Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated.  
  
SOLEDAD  
  
"How long has he been this way?" the Admiral asked Lt Bud Roberts, frowning as he watched his best lawyer, Cmdr Harmon Rabb, sit in his office, his eyes downcast, staring at a picture that no-one except Bud had ever seen.  
  
"Ever since Col. Mackenzie, well, you know, Sir," Bud answered. "This is all he does anymore, whether it's in his office or at home. He just sits there, staring at that picture of her. It's pretty much all he has left."  
  
"Thank you, Lieutenant. Dismissed," the Admiral said, never taking his eyes of Harm. He waited for Bud to walk away, before moving over to Harm's office door, knocking gently and then walking in without waiting for an answer. Harm barely registered his presence, keeping his gaze focused on the picture of the beautiful woman in his hands.  
  
The Admiral took a seat across from him, and then leant over and plucked the picture from his grasp, turning it around and looking at it. His former Chief of Staff, Colonel Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie, stared back at him, laughing, her brown eyes sparkling.  
  
Only then did Harm glance up at him, and the Admiral was taken aback at the look in his eyes. It wasn't anger, it wasn't sorrow - it wasn't anything, really. They were simply dead.  
  
"Something I can do for you, Sir?" Harm asked quietly, running his hand through his messy brown hair. The Admiral looked at him, his usual hard glance gone. In its place was one of pity, and perhaps, understanding.  
  
"Commander...Harm...I know what you're going through..." he started, but Harm cut him off.  
  
"How would you know?" he asked, his voice dull. "Did you love her more than your life? Is your soul engulfed in guilt because you were stupid and blind and ignorant enough to never take the chance to tell her that? Do you pray above all prayer, and hope above all hope that she finally knows? Do you kick yourself every day as you wonder what her answer might have been? Do you go to sleep every night hoping to see her smiling at you in your dreams, and then wake up crying because all you can seem to dream about is her slipping ever so slowly and painfully away from you, over and over again?"  
  
Harm didn't wait for an answer; he just picked up his coat and walked out of his office. "I didn't think so," he said quietly, before stalking out of the JAG headquarters.  
  
The Admiral looked after him, perhaps for the first time finally realizing just how deep his feelings for Mac had been, and still were. He placed the photo of her back on Harm's desk, but not before whispering softly to it, "I hope you know now, Colonel. I really hope you know."  
  
1830  
Harm's Apartment  
  
"Just wanted you to know...I always loved you..."  
  
"SARAH!!!" Harm woke up screaming her name, as he always did. Sweat poured down his face, drenching his shirt collar. He breathed deeply a couple of times, steadying his hands on his knees. "Sarah..." he whispered, wheezing.   
  
When he shook off the dizziness, Harm stood up and strode into his bedroom. He ripped his shirt off and replaced it with a black polo, stopping quickly to gaze down at the picture of Mac on the table beside his bed. He blew it a kiss, a tear tumbling down his cheek, before grabbing the case by the door and heading out of the building.   
  
1930  
A Bar in The City  
  
"Lieutenant, why did you bring me to a karaoke bar, off all places?" the Admiral asked Bud, looking round the bar with the slightest hint of disdain showing on his features.  
  
"Well, Sir, I, ah, I thought we needed somewhere different to McMurtry's, and this place supposedly has some pretty good singers," Bud replied, taking a seat at the bar. The barman leaned over to him.  
  
'What'll you have?" he asked, and then, without waiting for a reply, continued, "You guys are new, yeah?" Bud nodded.   
  
"You're lucky you came tonight," the man continued. "We got one of our best about to come on after this one here's finished. Guy's a real good singer, and a regular, except he only sings about three subjects, ever - love, heartbreak and death. Go figure. Sometimes he dedicates them to a girl, other times he just plays. Either way, I figure that they're all for her, all the same."  
  
Bud grinned at the man, and the Admiral leaned back with his elbows resting on the bar, as the performer currently on the stage bowed to his applause, and walked off. A tall, dark-haired man took his place, sitting down on the stool and making his guitar comfortable in his lap.  
  
Bud glanced at him, and then did a double take before tapping the Admiral's shoulder. "Sir...SIR! That's Commander Rabb up there, Sir."  
  
The Admiral looked at the stage, straining to make out the man's face, which was half covered in shadow. "So it is," he said. "Well, then, I can see what the barkeep was talking about. And while I don't condone gambling, twenty dollars says that every song he sings tonight is for her."  
  
Bud smiled sadly, and then turned his attention back to Harm. He strummed a few chords on the guitar and half-smiled at the hushed crowd, apparently not noticing Bud and the Admiral, before saying softly, "This one, as always, is for Sarah." With that, he launched into his song.  
  
"If only you could see the tears  
In the world you left behind  
If only you could heal my heart  
Just one last time  
Even when I close my eyes  
There's an image of your face  
And once again I come to realize  
You're a loss I can't replace  
Soledad  
It's a keeping for the lonely  
Since the day that you were gone  
Why did you leave me  
Soledad  
In my heart you were the only  
Now your memory lives on  
Why did you leave me  
Soledad   
Walking down the streets of Nothingville  
Where our love was young and free  
Can't believe just what an empty place  
It has come to be  
I would give my life away  
If only it could be the same  
Cause I can't still the voice inside of me  
That is calling out your name  
Soledad  
It's a keeping for the lonely  
Since the day that you were gone  
Why did you leave me  
Soledad  
In my heart you were the only  
Now your memory lives on  
Why did you leave me  
Soledad   
Time will never change the things you told me  
After all we're meant to be  
Love will bring us back to you and me  
If only you could see  
Soledad  
It's a keeping for the lonely  
Since the day that you were gone  
Why did you leave me  
Soledad  
In my heart you were the only  
Now your memory lives on  
Why did you leave me  
Soledad."  
  
Harm sang the final note, his head held high, a single tear rolling down his cheek the only giveaway to the feelings inside him. The bar's patron's burst into applause, some calling out to him by name.  
  
He stood, bowed, smiled half-heartedly and left the stage. Bud watched him go, he too finally coming to an understanding of how the Commander felt. After keeping his gaze fixed on the stage long after Harm had vacated it, Bud turned to the Admiral.  
  
"Do you think he'll be alright, Sir?" he asked. "I mean, do you think he'll ever get over her?"  
  
"Who knows, Lieutenant? Who knows?" the Admiral replied. Bud nodded, lost in reflection and the pair sat there in silence, thinking of the two friends they'd lost - one to a crazed Navy gunman, and one inside of himself.   
  
2240  
Harm's Apartment  
  
Harm sunk into the sofa, thinking about the song he had sung for her. Its lyrics rang too close to home for him, sometimes. He picked up one of the many photos of her that now crowded his apartment, looking at it, studying it, committing her beautiful face to his memory for all eternity.  
  
Then he picked up the gun that he had pocketed all those weeks ago in the café, and looked at it. It seemed only fit to him that the instrument that had taken his love away from his should re-unite them once more.  
  
He lay down on the couch, the picture of her resting on his chest. Then, turning his head towards a double-frame, containing a photo of his father, and one of the entire JAG team, he half-sat up and sharply saluted them.  
  
A tear in his eye, he whispered 'I love you, Mac. So much that I'm coming to be with you forever."  
  
And with that, Harmon Rabb shot himself, leaving no suicide note, only a picture of a woman that would explain to anyone who knew him well enough why he did it.  
  
FIN  
  
A/N: Sorry about the suicide...it was the only plausible way I could get them back together. PLEASE review and tell me what you thought. =)  
A/N 2: 'Soledad' is Spanish for 'lonely' or 'alone'.  
A/N 3: I couldn't remember what the bar in JAG was called, sorry. =)  



End file.
